My Response to Article Titled, Mother of Bully Says

Several months ago, 15 year old Phoebe Prince committed suicide after months of constant bullying at school and online.  Prince, new to South Hadley H.S., became the target of the “mean girls” after briefly dating a popular senior football player.

The “mean girls” began bullying her at school, calling her names in the hallway and then they took it online (cyberbullying).  They began sending her threatening messages and calling her names using text messages, FaceBook, Twitter and Formspring.  At school, they knocked her books out of her hands, pushed her and threw things at her.  The bullying and harassment started with name calling and escalated over time to constant harassment at school and online.

Phoebe knew the teachers were aware of the situation but the bullying wasn’t getting any better.  Students reported that name calling and bullying at school is normal.  It seemed to be part of the culture and teachers for the most part didn’t even acknowledge it when they saw it.  Unfortunately, Phoebe had a moment in which  she felt her only way out was ending her life.

You might think that those students that were harassing Phoebe didn’t expect it to end that way.  They probably thought they would continue to harass her until they found a new victim or she ended up changing schools.  You would certainly expect the harassment to end when her life ended.  But it didn’t, even after Phoebe’s suicide one of the bullies wrote “accomplished” on Phoebe’s Facebook page.

If that isn’t bad enough, the New York Daily News ran this article, “Mom of teen charged with bullying South Hadley H.S. student Phoebe Prince into suicide blames victim” which I find disturbing.  Below is a portion of the article in which the mother of one of the “bullies” defends her daughter.

“The mother of one of the “Mean Girls” charged with bullying 15-year-old Phoebe Prince to death defended her daughter Tuesday, saying she never lifted a hand against the tormented girl but just “called her names.”

Angeles Chanon admitted that her daughter, Sharon Chanon Velazquez, 16, had once been suspended from school for verbally abusing Phoebe – but blamed the bullied girl for starting it.”
Read more from NYDailyNews.com

The mother states that her daughter was not involved in any physical altercation, she just called her names.  With a statement like that, isn’t she teaching her daughter that verbal abuse is OK. I wonder if that mother would feel the same way if every day, for three months, she had to endure this:

• every time she stepped out of her house to go somewhere, her neighbors would call her mean and degrading names
• every time she checked her voice mail, she had messages waiting that were filled with profanities and mean names
• every time she checked her cell phone for messages, texts were waiting, filled with hateful comments
• every time she checked her email, she received one that was filled with insults
• every time she checked Facebook others posted rude, mean, hurtful, degrading names

I think if that mother had endured the above, she would feel differently about just “calling her names”.

I understand that name calling and “mean girls” are part of the middle school and high school culture but that doesn’t make it right or excuse their behavior.  When teachers, students and parents ignore name calling they teach kids it is acceptable.  This puts victims at great risk because they don’t feel confident that someone will help.

Name calling and mean comments are not OK! Teachers, students and parents need to stand up to this behavior and hold each other accountable.  Schools should make sure their policies are updated and include bullying in and out of school and online.  Students and teachers need to have a clear understanding of the policies, procedures and consequences.  If the school environment doesn’t support an environment in which victims, other students and teachers feel comfortable reporting this behavior, we need to find out why. Once we know why then changes can be made.

Every time a teacher or adult hears a student call another student a name, they should “call them on it”. Remind them that it is unacceptable and if it continues consequences will follow.  If students walked down the hall and knew teachers and students were looking  out for this behavior, I think we would see a decrease in this behavior.  I don’t think it will ever go away but that doesn’t mean we give up.  It is time for us to take a stand, if we don’t, we will continue to  read stories not only like Phoebe’s but these as well…

Joshua teen had become target of bullying, friends and family say

Boy’s act of despair shocks school – Mother blames bullies after 8-year-old allegedly jumps off balcony in suicide try

Text Messages Led To Brutal Beating of Teenage Girl, Say Cops

Bullying starts with name calling and it is not OK!

Are you aware of any programs that work to decrease bullying?  If so, please leave a comment below.

If you are a parent, teacher or student that wants to take a stand against bullying and will commit to finding a way to help, please leave a comment below.

Consider an internet training course that will teach  you and your kids about online safety.  Our family has gone through the Internet Safety Program for Families.  This online program  will teach your family how to navigate the cyber world safely with topics including inappropriate material, cell phone safety, email, viruses, sharing private information, online predators and social network sites.

Cammie Moise

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